Yesterday was a really bad day. Nothing really bad happened. What was bad was going on in my mind but I was reacting to it and my day went from bad to worse. I didn’t even realize how bad I was feeling until sometime around 10:00 a.m. I snapped at someone. For nothing. I found myself answering emails in a tone that reflected the annoyed way I was feeling.
It all started with feeling overwhelmed. Trying to work on four projects at once at work while doing the writing I try to do every day and a couple of outside projects and personal commitments–it was all adding up. Then there was the constant self-imposed barrage of digital information. A guest post I wrote for another blog went up but the site went down and then the results were disappointing. I was checking email and Tweetdeck and feeling more and more stressed out. Worrying about a routine annual medical test later in the day didn’t help.
When I got home I spent a couple of hours on my computer distracted, trying to finish work I didn’t get done during the day. Then about 9:00 p.m. I did what I knew I needed to do. I turned everything off. No T.V., no lights, not computer, no phone. Setting my meditation timer I sat for 20 minutes and when the bell rang, I sat for 20 more.
I felt better than I had in days. This was not a one day event. I had been hurtling toward it for a week. The result of spending too much time doing things and being with people who were out of sync with what I needed.
Today I woke up feeling much better. At the train station, which is on the Hudson River, instead of spending the time I usually spend waiting for the train checking and answering emails, I turned to face the river and took it all in. It was a beautiful scene over the Palisades with the moon still visible high in the sky. There were a few wild flowers growing by the river bank on this, the first chilly morning of the season. A warm and friendly woman starting a conversation about how beautiful it was.
During the day–a much more productive and enjoyable day–I conjured up the image of the water and the sky if I felt myself slipping into a distracted state. I haven’t fell this good in a while and I owe it all to having had a really bad day yesterday. If you’re not paying attention, something like a really bad day is going to happen but it’s all in the service of helping you wake up.
